Today has been a long day. I need to call my sponsor person but i am weary about it at the same time. Gosh this sucks.

These Days

These days have become quite unfathomable. I stop and think about everything I've done, and I can't believe it. Am I dreaming? Is this some sick joke? It can't all be true, but that's the disease. It feels like it's someone elses life. I feel so outside of myself. What's happening? I don't like this, at all. So, here I go... Another day down, and countless more to go. Where my feet will lead me, only God will know.

DETERMINATION

I want great things to happen in my life. I wish it was easy to quit bad habits. To me, it's an addiction, and I want to indulge in it so bad. I just can't help myself. I want and need help. Take this as a sign... I want to get at least 2 jobs, since I'm out of school. Save up as much money as I can for a P.O.S. car, save up enough to move out of THE house. I want to live on my own... By myself, in a wore out ugly place that was able to lock up securely, even if it means living on Crump Blvd. I want to start looking into getting money from grants and loans to go back to school at U of M, and major in Social Work. I want all of these things. I know I'm ready. I screwed up in the past, but I'm over PARTY time, and I want to get sober and do the things I need to do. Even if it's starting out slow by taking part-time core classes at STCC before transferring to U of M... Working a full-time job during part-time classes, and trying my damned to do the same with full-time classes at U of M. I really want help, and I'm serious this time. I'm close to being 21, and I need to get on the roll. So, I will keep in touch.

xoxo
Lindsey

Fire Alarm

I can hear it in a far distance,
As if I am standing at the end of a dark hallway,
Something all of the sudden behind me,
Quickly raising the hairs on the back of my neck,
Making me gasp as I turn to see what it is.

I abruptly sit up in bed as my heart skips,
Feeling as if the wind was just knocked out of me,
My nerves feel quick as my mind is numb,
A tingling sensation rises in my legs as I try to stand,
Fumbling for shoes and clothes.

I am in a deep slumber as I dream of pleasant things,
Benadryl pumping through my system,
As peaceful as a fresh summer morning as the sun rises,
Suddenly interrupted by the clash of swords and chaos,
Dark thunderclouds cover the backs of my eyelids.

Thump thump lulls the rhythm of my heart,
Missing one too many beats that it should have thumped,
Hard to swallow and blurred vision makes me anxious,
The sound of the crude siren began to muffle,
The ringing in my ears overpowering the ghastly trumpet.

Cold and chilly I feel as if I awoke from a terrible nightmare,
My thoughts frizzled and my blood pressure high,
A shiver runs through my body as the noise continues,
More sirens as the big red caterpillar of a truck turns the corner,
Screaming back at the Banshee behind brick walls.

A return to my peaceful slumber,
My nerves finally settled in,
A parting with the horrid thoughts,
Of nightmares and loud things,
Rest awaits me as I fall back into dream land.

Never more said the young girl,
Who still cannot sleep,
From the Banshee that lives in her building,
Creeps up behind her,
Every now and again screaming in her eternal nightmares.

Him...

He walks through the shadows on a windy night. Stepping through snow covered veils of a willow tree.

He strides across his desert-covered floor, pads of his boots wearing low. Stop and put your sunglasses on boy.

Don’t tread on me, or I will go crazy. I don’t think you know me.

Jump, sing, shout, and hear! I cannot see my eyes they aren’t in front of me. Clapping heels across a wooden floor!

Lingering in a dust covered room. Not knowing what to think, or much less do. I can’t believe you see that way, look a little closer.

Stinging in my brain, nothing to release it. I need another shot of that crack, please baby freebase it.

Nothing got me higher than to look at your purple eyes, screaming with serenity. Quite possibly I’m dying, but nothing is to say for sure.

Jabbering jaws curling with green foliage. Creepy-crawling creatures on the bathroom floor.

Fields of leaves a-falling, one by one with no aim. Aimlessly floating onto their future grave. One, two, three, four, something’s knocking at my door!

Swaying tolls of textured sounds, slowly leaking my brain out. Nothing can quite compare to my boring times.

Taking one step after another, in order to the rhythm. I’m keeping tune with my leaders.

I think the NyQuill kicked in...

I'm not so much afraid anymore, as I am mostly saddened. I see all these happy faces, then I look in a mirror. With such a happy-looking face, there's something deeper. Hidden under the mask of smiles and laughter, there is nothing worse than feeling alone and unwanted. Not in such a sense that I don't feel like people aren't wanting to be around me, it is that I feel that no one wants to be with me, in the terms of companionship. Even though there are people out there that seem incompatible with me, I want the chance to possibly be compatible with someone. Not everyone is compatible at first. Everyone gets a chance with each other, but mainly because of looks and lust. I don't get that chance, and if I do, it's not with anyone I really care for. Not once has someone asked me out, not once has someone offered to be my boyfriend. Not once, and it hasn't happened in a long time, and it makes me sad. Sad and feeling alone. I feel that no one wants to take the chance to get to know me better, in terms of dating and relationships closer than friendships. It's happening all around me, with couples going back and forth between in-love and out-of-love. It's not as exciting as it sounds, but I want to say that it happened to me, too. I want to be able to give advice, in terms of experience. Instead, I give advice in terms of other people's experiences as they tell me things. I see happy puppy-love faces, and people holding hands. Eating together at meals, and befriending each others friends. I want to experience the love and hardship, the pain and confusion that couples have. I haven't had it in years, and I want to be able to say that I, too, experienced what my friends tell me about. I want to say "I know what you mean" and actually mean it! I want I want I want. To feel alone is to want an abundance of nothing. It's just not going to get any better until it actually happens. So... HAPPEN!

Boredom

Something fun that me and Peter did at school in the apartment breezeway. The Pictures are posted in order of what we did to them. Enjoy!

Moi

If you haven't noticed, I'm an unusual person. I have a peculiar mind, indeed. Many would say my writing is weird and unorthodox. Ones who can read further into the poems and stories I create know that these things are not "weird". They are, in fact, things that happen to everyone. Whether the topic be kindness & love, hate & anger, or the bizarre & unknown... These are still things that we talk & hear about, and even experience in life. The point of this entry is to inform you, no I am not strung out on crazy drugs and no, I am not insane. These are things that make me who I am. It is the way I write, because it is what I am thinking about, or feeling. I don't write strangely all the time, it's mainly when I feel very strongly about something... Something I am either passionate about, or devastated over. Either way, I am still writing this blog, and I don't want to update everyone in a separate entry, so I guess I will update you in another paragraph.

Here we go... This should separate the explanation from the update. As of late, I have been on a crazy adventure. Between watching my two lovely nieces and trying to get ready for college, I have been sitting back and relaxing before moving off to start school. I am so excited. This will be my first time actually attending a school every day for about 3 years. I was home schooled from 10th grade until I graduated. It's been challenging to my social life, so I am definitely excited to be attending class with people I will basically see every day. Not to mention, I'm excited to learn new techniques in drawing, as well as learning more from my other classes. I need to keep myself motivated, so I am definitely going to be the school-spirit kind of girl! I will go to as many games as I can, join clubs, and try to get involved every way possible... If I have time, of course. My classes and studies will always come first. Something else that is new would be my MacBook Pro. It's phenomenal! I have never had a Mac OS X before or even a Mac, period. It was a belated graduation present from my awesome parents. I am so grateful to have them. They spoil me in the best ways possible, and I'm going to show them my thanks by working my hardest in school. Although I will be doing it for myself, I know they will be happy and delighted to know I'm getting good grades. To them, it would be the best gift of all, for me to get through school and graduate... So I am going to give them that. They deserve it, and I want to do what's best for me.

Excerpt of a Story

We waltz into a room with a menagerie of people. The lights are bright, but there are so many bad dark spots. They do not see... No they not see the creature that hides in the curtains and in coat closets, waiting to catch their pray. Nay, might I say, this is a conspicuous type of party. On the contrary, even the butler seems on edge. After observing, I saw a gun under his coat. I saw him. He left around the quarry and yelled at me to go. So they hopped in the car and drove for a while. Heavy Metal blasted in her ears. He held his hand on her's and they smiled. As they drive they finally see a sign stating there was 350 miles until their destination. They were planning to travel to South America. First, though, they have to drive to get to Miami, FL before they could get on the plane that takes them to South America. His kids were in the back seat, sleeping. Their heads bobbed over to one side, their hair tangled and sticking straight up in the back. Little kiddie toes dangle under them as they are far from touching the floor.

Spelling, grammar, and other non-story changing is welcome.

Also, this is only an excerpt from a short story I may be writing.

My Artwork

Bells

Bells dingle and they dangle,

Leaving memories in a tangle.
Bright blue eyes that sparkle and shine,
She keeps my little world fine.

Leaving laughter and a kiss,
These are things that I will miss.
Crocodile tears drip and drop,
Waiting for that bubble to pop.

Shrill screams ring in my ears,
As she begins those crocodile tears.
Kind and sweet is that child,
A never ending feeling that is wild.

Crazy Talk

There's something wrong with me, I'm losing my head. Time seems to slow to a slug-like pace, leering on towards disaster. Youth seems to fade, as days go on... Numbered like Jews in a Concentration Camp. Ongoing like the first rain after a drought. Kinds of people don't understand the pressures of the steam press. It's hot like fire, yet leaves your thoughts cool as ice. Tiny spores land in my mouth, growing vines the size of mountains. Blackness seeps through the cracks of the clouds, tearing the sunny walls down like avalanches. Pulling my teeth with rusted pliers, sitting in a barn with mold and pollen. Rotten photos are x-rayed into my mind, leaving memories of jealousy and broken-heartedness. Teary eyed children haunt my dreams like bad things in a winter night forest. Poets don't understand, and artists are too arrogant. The writers feel the most, the words pouring like blood at each pulse. Trotting into your mind, the thoughts yearn to be produced. Into technology, into paper, or possibly through other meanings. Let your steam out. Let it rise above you and shout it out to the world. They need to know. They should know what is going on in a crazed mind, like deer in the meadow caught by a lightning strike. Crushing the past in its wake, leaving behind an ashen mess. Crumbles of wet paper and weathering rock. Gritting between the jaws of the lifeless, my heart skips a beat as you stand in the doorway. My mind a blur, as you stand in shadows of the pale moon. Men with faces of stublle, women with chests so bountiful. Care for my wounds, treat the scabs and tendons. They unfold like leaves in the fall, crawling to a halt in the middle of a desert storm. I cannot explain the unknown, I just know that it's out there, watching, waiting, hearing... It perches on its hind legs and patiently awaits the moment to strike at your heels. JUMP! Into the land of happiness, where trees flood the naked eye, and oceans fill your ears. Wait, and you will see.

HEROIN

CLICK PICTURE FOR LARGER VIEW

Acrylic on Canvas. Size 36" x 36" Completed in San Francisco, September 1994

"Heroin is an insidious destroyer of souls. The first experience brings you pleasant dreams and euphoria. There's nothing like the soft warm waves of comfort and well being that surge through your body. Like long lost secret memories from a cool heavenly death. This world's worries are over ... solved in an instant! All your dreams and aspirations are suddenly attainable!

But beware! If you visit this place to often it robs you of ALL your dreams. All the pleasures that life has fated to you will be burned up like a pile of dried leaves. It takes your life and leaves you with only the desire to have IT again, and again… and again. That, and the agony that envelopes you when you can't get it. Heroin will take from you everything that makes you a person. You will no longer be human. Heroin will make you into a monster. You end up existing only for it. You will become its slave. You will become sick, foolish, ugly and sexless.

Perhaps you think, as I once did, that you can take it with impunity. However, I tell you this; Take it just once and it will change you. It is a devil that is older than man and is more evil than any man can comprehend. Yes, it is only a chemical ... as are we all.

This painting is a diary of what was going on in my life while I painted it. I went from prescription pain medication to a full blown Heroin addiction in the course of 2 years. This painting foresaw what was to come. I painted a self-fulfilling prophecy. After this painting, I accidentally burned down my studio and did not paint again for over 10 years."

Burden

Today is a day that things come clear,
Finding things that show our fear.
Sometimes things are meant to be,
But things like this I cannot free.

It works the mind like a maze,
Wanting it to be a fictional haze.
I do not understand my luck,
All my feelings are quite stuck.

I wish I could move ahead in time,
When everything's okay and sublime.
With one I need to reach out and ameliorate,
With the other I need to speak to and mitigate.

Soon there will be no more games,
But real life will be there in high flames.
For I know God will put me to a test,
I have to strive to be the best.

So here I go on with my future,
Adding another stitch to the suture.

October 21st

October 21 Birthday Horoscope

October 21 Birthday Horoscope


If Today is Your Birthday: October 21

The Year Ahead
Forecast for October 2008 to October 2009

When a Quarter Moon occurs in your Return chart, as it does this year, you are at some sort of a turning point in your life, in terms of personal growth. Events that occur this year act as catalysts that get you in touch with some important issues in your emotional life. Your emotions run high, and mood swings or identity crises are possible. There may be some kind of conflict in your life arising from a great urge to do something different. It promises to be a busy, dynamic, and significant period in your life.

The Sun forms a sextile to Pluto in your Solar Return chart, and your attitude towards life is changing. What used to satisfy you may not continue to do so, particularly if your goals have been superficial or a poor reflection of your inner desires. You are no longer willing to make compromises in the important areas of your life, particularly with regards to career and your life path. You are more determined this year, and it’s an excellent time for getting rid of bad habits. This is a year in which to get your life back on track, as you have the willpower to do so. Others are bound to recognize your leadership skills and talents, or, at the very least, your potential. You want your life path and your objectives to reflect what you’re really about. You benefit from being more decisive than usual, and your ability to concentrate and focus help you to achieve what you set out to do. A new project or goal begun this year has a good chance of being successful and long-lasting.

Mercury trine the Moon's North Node suggests making contact through learning, communicating, and mental pursuits. It suggests an intellectually stimulating year in which the exchange of ideas with others figures prominently.

Mars sextile Jupiter infuses the year with enterprising spirit. This is a strong aspect for professional as well as personal opportunities. Your faith in your ability to produce and to win takes you places you perhaps never imagined. You are able to see the "big picture", which helps you to plan effectively. The energies of this influence favor negotiations, deals, legal matters, reasonable speculation, and travel. This aspect also favors positive outcomes in competitive activities, including sports and business, for example.

With Jupiter in harmony to Saturn at the time of your birthday this year, a period of constructive accomplishment is ahead. In general, you are practical, realistic, and your judgment is especially sound--and you derive much satisfaction from your work. The key to harnessing this wonderful energy is to identify and find pleasure in the simple things that make you happy. A nice balance between optimism and practicality is with you this year.

This year, your determination to honor your deepest desires and goals leads you towards increased success. You are bound to make stimulating intellectual contacts and connections this year. Emotional decision making could be a problem if you are not careful. A balanced approach to life, in terms of realistic expectations, is the best approach for maximizing success.


2008 is a Number Five year for you. Ruled by Mercury. This is a year of exploration and freedom. It's a time when exploration and reaching out to others brings opportunities. It's a good time to advertise and sell. Surprises are in store, and the routine is broken. This is a year when exciting relationships can be formed, or, if you are already in a partnership, new life is breathed into the relationship. Advice - explore, look for adventure, keep your eyes open for opportunities, mingle.

2009 will be a Number Six year for you. Ruled by Venus. This is a year of relative contentment. It is a time when love is the easiest to attract, and partnerships formed under this vibration have a better chance for longevity. You are able to attract others, and material things as well, this year. This is a good year for establishing harmony in the family and in the home. Advice - develop existing relationships, be positive and receptive because these kinds of energies help you to attract what you desire.

I <3 Poems

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

---Robert Frost

At the Moment....

Cold
by: Crossfade

Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold

To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can't see
You are the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things that you shouldn't have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I never meant to be so cold

So Far Away
by: Crossfade

I've been changing,
But you'll never see me, now...
(I've been changing,
But you'll never see me)
...Now I'm blaming you for everything

No more holding it in,
How many years can I pretend?
Nothing never goes the way it should
No more sitting in this place,
Hoping you might see it my way
'Cause I don't think you ever understood,
That what I'm looking for are the answers
To why these questions never go away

I'm so far away
I've been changing,
But you'll never see me, now...
I'm so far away
...Now I'm blaming you for everything

No more waiting for the end
Of every day that I will spend
Wishing that I only had a choice
No more pushing you away
'Cause I will be busy watching things going my way,
Never looking back on this anymore
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/dDN ]
'Cause what I'm looking for are the answers
To why these questions never go away

I'm so far away
I've been changing,
But you'll never see me, now...
I'm so far away
...Now I'm blaming you for everything

I've been changing,
But you'll never see me,
Now I'm blaming you for
Everything!

I'm so far away!

Hey, hey, watch me wave
Goodbye to yesterday,
Nothing left in my way
Hey, hey, I've been saved,
With sun shining on my pain,
Getting me through this day
Hey, hey, watch me wave
Goodbye to yesterday,
Nothing left in my way,
Feels so good to say

I'm so far away
I've been changing,
But you'll never see me, now...
I'm so far away...

Now I'm blaming you

I'm so far away!!

Too Many Good Things

I have not updated my blog in a while, and it has been eating at me. So here I am writing in this text box as a way of occupying myself. In the past few weeks, I have been busy as a bee trying to find a job, organize things for college in the fall, and have a little fun here and there. After the trip to Destin, FL, which was amazing, mom and I went to Martin, TN to go to S.O.A.R. ( Student Organization and Registration). I met a lot of nice and interesting people, and I learned a bit about what to expect this fall. Here is a copy of my 2009 Fall schedule:

I am very excited! I move in to the apartments on campus (University Village Phase II) August 27th, and start classes on August 31st.

Something else awesome happened on June 3rd, I was scheduled for an interview at Joe's Crab Shack in the Wolfchase area of Memphis. I spoke with one of the managers (J.T. Trost) and had a successful 30-minutes. I boogied on the floor to the Cha-Cha Slide (a job requirement is to dance with other coworkers every 45 minutes), shook hands with the manager and started training June 6th, that following Saturday. It is a hard job, and I already kind of dread it (because of the heat!), but I know I can do my best. Plus, I need the money for a darn car!

Well, that's all folks... I am tired of writing about myself, and my back hurts. Thanks for reading!

Interesting...

Here are a few things I thought were interesting, and would like to share them with you!

From first to last:

• Silence of the Lambs movie poster with a closeup of the skull on the moth, and a reference to a Dali photograph.

• Body painted woman

• Body painted man

• Body painted man

• Cat sign

• Sheep wool/head chair

• Artwork

(click for a larger image)

Upcoming...

As expected, this week is going to be an exciting one. Tuesday, my mom and I are getting our hair done. It will be the first time I have had my hair done by a color specialist. We are also going out to eat and possibly shopping. Wednesday is my brother's birthday and we are going to celebrate by going to Nagasaki (a Japanese cuisine with hibachi tables...very nice). Thursday I have exams and my only grandparent left, my grandma, is coming in town from Sterling Heights, Michigan. Not long after she arrives, the Junior-Senior Banquet (prom, basically) begins. I have a beautiful dress for this occasion and I will post pictures of the event as soon as I can. Friday, we have rehearsal for graduation, and Saturday is the big graduation day! After the ceremony, we are having a big BBQ party at my house. During this whole schedule, we have to clean the house and I have to study for exams. It's going to be so busy! Today was actually OK, but that was today. ;) Next week, my mom, my friend Sarah, and I are going to Destin, Florida for vacation. Oh yes! I am so excited about that! I love the ocean, especially the Gulf of Mexico. It's so beautiful! Once again, I will post pictures after all of the events have passed and I have time, which will be in a couple of weeks. Thanks for reading!

-Linds

I want...

My mother suggested that I write something with the prompt "I want..." Here goes nothing!

I want to be successful with my life and future. To live comfortably and happily in a house with a family. I want to be a successful artist, who can create anything at the tips of her fingers with ease. I want a puppy to love and hold, for him to grow kind and protective. I want to travel the world and see things I never thought to exist. I want my family to be happy and financially comfortable, for them to retire and relax. I want a man that can provide me with happiness and unconditional love. I want everyone's problems to be resolved and their worries gone. I want a non-polluted ozone and environment. I want a slim and healthy body and a strong mind. There is so much that I want, the list goes on and on. There may be things I want, but right now, what I have is just fine.

Random Writing

These are some of my writings from a journal. Don't worry if they're kind of dark, I often write like that, and everything's ok. :)

Something Ignored
There's always something on my mind,
I feel like it sometimes wastes my time.
Creeping slowly to a halt,
I can't help but feel it's my fault.
I try to find answers that are hard to seek,
Only to have my love-filled heart leak.
I try to go out and have some fun,
Only I go out with a loaded gun.
There's so many feelings I try to compress,
Like sitting alone in my little black dress.
Happy and care-free with a smile on my face,
But in my mind, I am a disgrace.
One day these feelings will finally subside,
So someday there will be nothing to hide.

Haiku #1
Wind tapping lightly
On my little cottage door
Once again silent

Cinquain #1
College
Bright, Inviting
Learning, Seeking, Helping
Knowledge, Life, Freedom, Destiny
Future

Senryu #1
Pull it out slowly
Shake it in front of my face
Rob me of my money

Tanka #1
Tripping on her pills
She stumbles through the hallway
Always wanting more
She feeds her crazy habits
But this time she can't have it

Senryu #2
Ambien to sleep
Making me feel quite woozy
Remember nothing

List #1
Lust
Passion
Fire
Heat
Emotion
Craze
Feeling
Power
Glee
Kink

Limerick #1
I am like an open book,
Something you can't overlook.
Flip through pages with a liking,
Reading things that are quite striking.
Don't forget to clasp the hook.

Haiku #2
Fast growing bushes
Blooming beautiful flowers
Reaching for the sun

Cinquain #2
Lover
Sexy, Tantalizing
Groping, Touching, Kissing
Wild, Jealous, Free, Horny
Lust

Tanka #2
He shoves through the crowd
Rushing past the moshing mass
Bodies like a maze
Everything is so blurry
All the people look the same.

List #2
Bouncing
Joyful
Drooling
Diapers
Whining
Crying
Eating
Laughing
Cranky
Stubborn

Goddess

The lengths of her dress cascade downward, pointing to the ground as gravity takes its toll. Her luscious eyelashes curl under her eyebrows, reaching for the clear olive skin that stretches over her form. Green opaque eyes gaze through your soul, her plump lips whispering what you want to hear. Her square jawline rounds at her chin to create the perfect features. Her round shoulders slope from her lofty neck to her steady arms. With fingers so delicate, she combs through her silky hair with finesse. Every curve on her body bows with immense form. Her breasts perk at attention, her hips sway with passion, her derriere completing her figure with perfection. Bold yet graceful legs jut out from underneath her, planting her firmly to the ground. Petite feet extend from her bony ankles, standing her tall like a statuesque figure. She is the utmost pulchritudinous woman. She is a Goddess.

Les poires, l'ananas, et l'arachide

Les poires, L'ananas, et L'arachide

Il y a un ananas et une arachide.
L'ananas est grand et beau.
L'arachide est petite et rugueuse.
Ensemble, ils font une poire.
Une poire, ou une paire?
Une paire de poires.
Les poires, l'ananas, et l'arachide.
DÉLICIEUX!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Pears, the Pineapple, and the Peanut

There is a pineapple and a peanut.
The pineapple is tall and handsome.
The peanut is small and rough.
Together, they make a pear.
A pear, or a pair?
A pair of pears.
The pears, the pineapple, and the peanut.
YUMMY!

7 THINGS

I read an archive on someone's site and saw they had a "10 Things That Represent Me or My Life" post, and I thought it was very interesting. Her ten things were very interesting, and they inspired me to write some of my own... Although I could only come up with 7. Maybe later I will add more!

1. My Room: My room represents me in so many ways, it's a bit too obvious. I have random memorabilia strewed across the room here and there; just like I know it in my mind. A clusterfuck, as Dane Cook calls it. It's a nice room, clean when it needs to be, messy most of the time, and you can never depend on it to have what you need. Sounds like this is #1 on the list! Anyway, it holds a lot of meaning to me. In my closet, you have a bin full of shoes. I love shoes, and they don't usually last long with me. Purses are stacked in there as well. I don't really use my closet for clothes, just shoes, purses, and a couple boxes with a carpet of dust on them. You will always find some kind of paper or scrap of something on the floor. ALWAYS. My bookshelf is strewed with books leaning to this side and that, stacked on one another. My cork board is cluttered with things I thought would fit on it. I have dusty stuffed animals and figurines of cartoon characters I adored. Random pictures are placed in random frames. There is a can of soup and jewelry scattered on my desk. Clothes are pouring from my bins and there are wires everywhere. This is one thing that represents me: My Room.

2. My Artwork: There are so many people that use their art to represent themselves in different ways. People may paint a self-portrait, or splatter paint all over a canvas just because they were angry. All of my art represents me, because I put my blood and sweat into it. I will sit there with a brush in my hand that is messy with paint, and think. When I put my thoughts into actions, that is representing me.

3. Kitkat: She is my heart and soul. Although she is just a cat, she is part of me. I raised her and taught her how to love and be comforting. I also gave her some attitude. I see her and imagine looking like her, if I was ever a cat. I always talk about her.

4. The Woods on a Cloudy Spring Day: The woods are damp from the morning shower of light sticky dew, and everything has a shade of gray. Everything is toned down, the colors dull, and the light filtered. Like my eyes half shut, peering under a fan of eyelashes. The green moss, damp with dew, contrasting against the gray bark of a Dogwood tree. The branches still do not have life, because of the cold days that have barely disappeared. Everything so serene and original, the cool breeze that smells like rain passing through the rustling branches of aged trees that stand one hundred feet. This is me.

5. My Mother: Obviously my mother represents me in so many ways! Aside from looking alike, we act a lot alike. We are both very ambitious and imaginative. As she is obsessed with making lists, so am I. We can be ditzy, but we never fail to give a smart-ass remark when teased about it. I get most of my creativity from her, as well. As far as I know, my dad doesn't have any creativity. We are two emotional gals who are spunky and fun, but also serious and to-the-point when needed.

6. My Father: My father is a very peculiar man and he represents me more than he knows. I can be a flat-out bitch sometimes, and I get that attitude from my dad. I also get my temper from him. We both get red-faced when we laugh or get mad. Before I got braces, we had the same crookedy tooth. As we both smile, our left eye squints just the same. I have his curly hair, his big hands and feet, and his face (for the most part). When you look at my dad, sometimes you can actually see me.

7. My Key Chain Collection: I've collected key chains for as long as I can remember. I would buy a few, but most of them were given to me. There are key chains with sayings, pictures, advertisements, and any kind of key chain you can think of. I always thought "hey, i wonder if they have a record for the most key chains in a key chain collection..." and there it began. Every time I got my hands on one, it went on the still-growing mass of my key chain collection.

Scrapbooking

I am thinking about doing a scrapbook to represent my senior year. I want to include anything and everything that reminds me of this school year. Even events that happened this school year. Here are a few things I have so far:

-Barack Obama: news paper clippings, pictures, etc...
-CBU: stickers, schedule, etc...
-My 18th birthday: pictures, invitation, etc...
-School, in general: progress report, ACT scores, acceptance letters, tassel, etc...
-Friends: pictures and assorted memorabilia with me included
-Family: pictures and assorted memorabilia with me included
-Isabella: pictures, etc...
-Prom: pictures, souvenirs, etc...
-Graduation: pictures, souvenirs, etc...
-College: pamphlets, acceptance letters, etc...
-Lap-Band: drawing, pictures, food labels, etc...
-Memphis pillow fight: article, pictures, etc...

Other ideas, but not sure if I am going to do them in the future: Beale St. Music Fest, Memphis in May, Bonnaroo, any other summer trips before college...

Also, this certain scrapbook will stay at home with my family, so they can reminisce whenever they are missing me. I will have my Senior scrapbook that I got along with other senior memorabilia from Balfour. The Senior scrapbook will travel with me.

My Spirit, My Heart

The blooming of a flower,
Like a child's transformation,
Overcome with great power,
With a wispy sensation.
Innocence is abundant,
With bright faces and smiles,
Their actions so redundant,
There is kindness for miles.
Her arms open wide,
And her wings unfold,
While she's full of great pride,
And important, I'm told.
I give her my trust,
And hold her like no other,
There's nothing unjust,
About loving my mother.
Sweet kisses of love,
Upon my blessed cheek,
Thanking the Gods above,
For a bond that's so unique.

Future Plans

Well, I haven't posted a personal blog in a while, so I thought I would update you guys.

Recently, I have finished my online chemistry class. I did excellent, and I am sure that my final grade will be an A. I am still taking my dual-enrollment class at CBU, and I am sure to be done by May, as any other college semester. In other news, I have been fighting for this thing for over a year: the Lap-Band. I have finally gone through all the procedures, such as lab work, seminars, nurse visits, and meetings. A couple days ago, I met with the surgeon, Dr. Woodman, and he gave me "the talk." I have the surgery date, and it is March 10th. Hopefully this surgery will help me with the motivation I need. I have been overweight most of my life, and it has really been a struggle for me... Mentally and physically. I have seen my mother go through this procedure, and it has been great for her. She has given me so much inspiration, and I am so proud of her. She has lost 100+ pounds. Way to go, mom! I am nervous and excited. This will be the first surgery I endure, but I am ready. I am graduating in May, and I will be heading to college at UT Martin in August. Hopefully by then, I will be a new person, physically of course. I am trying to prepare myself for the humongous changes that will be occuring this year. Also, I am trying to quit smoking. It's a horrible habit that I picked up as a young teen. Smoking for almost over four years, I am ready to break the habit. It will also be good to quit, because I need my lung power to exercise more comfortably. Ahh... Well, I think that's about it on me. Thanks for those of you that read this. Until next time!

The Public Bath

Kaelia Darkwater stands in the doorway of the Spa, her hair unpinned, and a towel around her body. She notices a silhouette in the bath, and turns to the chair near the entrance. Quietly she waits her turn, her eyes averting to the floor. Lyn Walker, the man in the bath, blinked for a moment as he stepped out of the spa, towel wrapped around his waist as he looked over to spot the woman sitting by the wall. After a long moment of awkward silence and staring, he slipped behind the curtain, embarrassed. "Sorry!" He called out, blushing slightly from behind the curtain. Kaelia’s eyes flutter as she is spoken to. Her mouth opens to speak, but she can only stare, her copper-filled eyes wandering over his well-built body, dripping with beads of water. As she caught herself staring, she looks away immediately. "Oh, no... It's a public spa, right? I just don't want to interrupt your tranquility." Her pale skin also blushed under a lock of white hair. The man slipped back into the water, his back turned to her, realizing that his clothes were on the other side of the spa. "I... It's alright. I don't... I don't mind." He murmured, closing his eyes and bringing a hand up to his head. What had he gotten himself into now? Best be polite. Don't impede. "You're right... It... It's a public spa. Feel free... I will just stay over here, if that makes you feel better." Kaelia smiles politely and feels her face become warm. "Alright, I don't mind either." Standing she removes her towel and places it on the chair she was sitting in. Stepping lightly to the curtain, she peeks behind it to make sure he wasn't looking. At the edge of the bath, she stuck a toe in. It was warm. Stepping in, she quickly sank down to her shoulders, eyeing the extremely handsome man in front of her. Lyn kept his back to her, avoiding temptation to turn and peer over his shoulder at all costs, keeping his eyes closed even though he wasn't looking at her. "I... I'm Lyn." He turned just slightly, holding a hand outward without looking at her, waiting for her to shake it. He was a nervous fellow, to say the least. "It's... Nice to meet you... Well... Kind of meet you, I can't see you." Kaelia reached out to meet his hand. "I'm Kaelia. Pleased to meet you, Lyn." She noticed his uncomfort, and let go of his strong yet hand. "How can you enjoy the spa with your eyes closed the whole time?" Smiling at her own wit, Kaelia raised a handful of water and poured it over her head, dampening her hair. Lyn slowly opened his eyes, keeping his gaze ahead and his back to her as his hand was released. "I don't want to stare and make you uncomfortable, Miss Kaelia." He murmured, hair already wet and matted to his form, down to the middle of his back. His hair tie remained around his wrist for the time being. Kaelia dipped underwater after he spoke, quickly rising again. Her hair was now fully wet as beads of water ran down her face and shoulders. "Oh, can you not keep your eyes level with my face?" Reaching to her neck, she tugs at her necklace, adjusting it. Lyn blushed harder, shrinking down somewhat. "No... I mean no that's not it... I just... It's rude, isn't it? I want to respect your privacy." He grumbled, feeling more and more embarrassed by the second. Kaelia shrugs, even though he couldn't see it. "Well, if I am going to relax in a public spa, I think I should expect wandering eyes. As long as you don't stare, I'm fine." Relaxing now, she leans against the edge of the bath. She points her legs out in front of her. Lyn glanced over his shoulder for a moment, looking at her only a small bit, peeking as it were. "Are you certain you are comfortable with that?" He asked, slowly turning around as he did so, leaning back against 'his' side of the spa. "I don't wish to offend you, Miss Kaelia." She nods as he looks over. "I don't mind... You are not going to offend me." Smiling, she leans back, her arms resting at her sides. Raising her eyes to him, she tilts her head. "Are you comfortable with it, Mr. Lyn?" Lyn blushed, clearly, as he stared at her for just a moment, shaking his head free of looking. "I'm a little shy about the idea. I'm not used to bathing with a woman I do not know, but I'm not uncomfortable." He sat quietly for a moment, taking in her figure, above the water, for the first time. Kaelia runs a hand over her hair, smoothing it down. "Well, I'm sorry if I did make you uncomfortable." Sinking down further, she submerges herself to her chin. "So what brings you to the Moonlight Club?" Not knowing what else to do or say, she tries to bring up conversation. Lyn laughed slightly, tilting his head to the side. "I work here. I'm a tender from a while back. I had to take a hiatus, and just recently returned..." He leaned back and stretched his legs out, trying to relax, accidentally brushing his legs against hers, pulling them back quickly with a worried look. "Sorry." Kaelia nods. "Interesting. I wanted to apply here today, that's why I am here. I figured since I am applying I should loosen myself up first." As he brushed up against her, she giggled slightly, her eyes squinting and her cheeks rising as she chuckles. "That tickled!" Loosening up, Lyn chuckled as she laughed. Her laughter was refreshing to him, as he thought she would get angry. "Sorry, again." He was unaware of what part of her leg he had tickled, many ideas crossing his mind before he shook them away. Lyn was trying to contain the 'male' in him. "So what job were you looking to apply for?" Kaelia watches Lyn as she bobs in the water. There was a look about him that she saw in every man. Still staring at him, she lifts her leg, poking her toe up from the water. "I am not sure. I was thinking bartending, because I have experience, but I don't really know what is up for grabs." Sitting up more, she emerges from the water, her cleavage now exposed. Lyn nodded, his eyes falling on her cleavage before he tore them away, rather quickly. "A-ah. I see. I'm a tender here, too. I'm sure we could use a few extra hands. It would at least give me someone to talk to during the slow hours." He was staring at the water now. This woman, so close to him, it was hard not to stare. He managed, though, which was at least something. Kaelia noticed his struggle to keep his eyes off of her. Grinning to herself, she looks down at the water and splashes it a bit. "Oh, well I am glad I already know someone I may be working with." Still smiling, she reaches forward and lifts his chin up. "You can look wherever, I don't mind." Lyn held the blush on his cheeks for a moment, crimson eyes staring into her gold. His eyes held a mix of awkward embarrassment and excitement. The male in him eager, while the gentleman in him shy. "I... It's... If you are... Okay." He stammered, glancing down to her chest for a moment, taking in the curves of her figure. She gently removed her hand from his chin and smiled sheepishly. "You really are shy." She watched as his eyes moved from hers to her chest, looking down to see what he was looking at. Sitting in the bath, she crosses her legs 'Indian-style' and smiles. Lyn Walker nodded for a moment, smiling nervously. "Y-you could say that." He kept his eyes on her chest a moment longer, clearly struggling between looking away and keeping his gaze where it was. "I'm just not used to it..." He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I already said that, huh?" He shrugged slightly, suddenly realizing he was very aroused from the female before him, looking away and hoping she wouldn't notice. “I-I’m sorry.” Kaelia chuckles, her eyes scanning over his smooth-looking skin. "Well, I'm not really used to it either..." She looks away for a moment, then looks back at him as he turns away. "But I kind of like it." Her face was stern, until a curl formed in the corner of her lips. Moving slightly closer, she accidentally brushes her foot against his leg. "You don't have to apologize." Lyn’s heart pounded as she drew closer to him, feeling her skin against his, listening as she spoke. "I-is that so? Nn..." He closed one eye as her body connected to his, worried slightly that she would brush against his arousal any moment. "I'm... Glad you like it then." Kaelia leans back, submerging herself under the water again, getting her hair wet. She didn't know it, but leaning back exposed her chest. Coming up from the water again, the water rushed off her face and shoulders. "You know, you're really nice. I appreciate you trying not to hurt my feelings." As she spoke, she put a paw on his arm to emphasize what she was saying. Lyn sat, nodding in silence after having seen her bare chest exposed so perfectly to him. The blush seemed to now be a permanent part of his features, eyes still on her chest, imagining their full glory for a few moments more before looking back to her eyes. "I'm sorry... I don't mean to be rude, honest... But, when you dipped under... Your breasts..." Kaelia looks down at her chest. "Oh... I'm sorry." Looking away, she brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. Lyn shook his head, watching her reaction. Now he thinks he made her feel bad. "N-no, it's not like that! I didn't mean that I didn't like it, I really did like seeing it..." He was even more embarrassed now, stammering over his own words, but his desire to make her feel better even if he hadn't offended her, overcame him. "I'd...I'd like to see again, too..." Kaelia lowers her knees and begins to stand. As she stood, the water began to drip from her chest down to her stomach and down her thighs, dripping back into the bath. Standing there, she does not speak, but only stares at his face for a reaction. Her body is thin but strong. Small breasts perk up and her legs stand straight. There is a white patch of fur in between her thighs. Reaching her hand out, she touches his face. Lyn continued to blushed fervently, but did no look away, until she touched his face. Once her hand found it's mark, he looked at her, crimson eyes shining like someone who'd seen it for the first time. "You’re really quite something, Miss Kaelia." He reached his hand out for a moment, nearing her fit stomach, though he paused, looking up at her again like a child asking for a treat. "M-may I?" She nods, smiling sweetly. "Yes." Her voice was smoother and sweeter. The hand on his face stroked his jaw, her heart beating wildly behind her chest. She was very nervous, but showed no sign of it. Stepping slightly closer, she looks down to him, her golden eyes glistening.
Lyn ran his fingers along her stomach lightly - her hips, her thighs, exploring with a light touch. He grew bolder, it seemed, the more she allowed him to do, finally sliding forward in the water, his hands moving to her back as he pressed light kisses along her stomach. Kaelia exhales slowly as he touches her. It gave her chills, in a good way. Closing her eyes for a moment, she sighs lightly as he kisses her stomach. As he does this, she moves her hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it slightly. Lyn continued to trail light kisses along her abdomen, her hand on his neck spurring him on. The daring man shifts his kisses to her inner thigh, eventually trading his lips for his tongue, a very light, long lick running from her inner thigh up to her belly button, careful and gentle, even though it was very teasing. Kaelia lets him have his way for a moment, then steps back slowly and rests on her knees. She keeps her paw on his neck as she stares into his eyes. "I like you. You're sweet and passionate." Leaning foward, she places a kiss on each cheek, then on his lips. Opening her eyes she smiles to him. "I don't want to move too fast, though. Just so you know, you didn't do anything wrong. I loved it.” Over time, they shared laughs and stories. They made love three weeks after dating, and soon became united in marriage. Their rendez-vous remains in their hearts as the moment they fell in love.

Tongue Twisters

Marty the Moose Made Mushrooms by Mixing Moldy Molasses that Melted My Musty Mouth.

Tom Tinkerton Tip-Toed Topless Toward Tina To Tap Turtles Tomorrow.

Lonely Lepers Lather Llama Legs Like Lips Licking Lollipops.

Barton the Butler Bumps Betty out of Balance Because a Baby Bottle Broke.

Pop Pet Pussies Prancing Past Peoples Penis Pumps.

Godfrey the Goose Guarded the Ghost Grave and Gasped Greatly at the Gory Guts that Grossly Glisten and Gush with Gaudy Greatness.

Writing Exercise: Picture

Bodies are moving and flailing in the tightly packed theater. On the stage, a band plays, their music loud and entrancing. Guys with no shirts, girls in short skirts pump their bodies to the music. Hair whipping from side to side as a girl stands with her eyes closed, swaying to the beat. A man near the stage flings himself towards the stage in hopes of touching the music idol. I look back and see only something I would notice. Everyone was intoxicated by the melody that was muffled in my ears. A deep blue haze hovered above the crowd. The smell of sweat, cigarettes, and beer filled my nostrils. It was hot; there were so many people touching, dancing. I brushed against people as I tried to move, sweat glistening on my face. The hair around my round face was damp, along with most of the crowd. Hands reached towards the ceiling as the crowd's favorite song commenced and a roar of delight filled the air. Things got faster, people got closer, and the music got louder. I braced myself and stood on my tippy-toes to see the band play. After a while, I started to jump to the music. As I jumped, my breasts bounced and made my shirt hike up and my already-loose pants started to sag. As I reluctantly pulled my pants up and tugged my shirt down, I began to sway to the beat. My head bobbed from side to side, my hips swayed, with my hands reached to the sky. After the concert, we'd begin to leave, panting and smiling at each other in harmonized bliss. Everyone stepped out on the street and it was nice and cool. We talked, mingled, and gushed. It was like an evening of glorious sex. In the end, we were all sweaty, exhausted, sore, and pleased.

For Me, Really...

To do list:

• Photo shoots with mom's camera
  
• Painting of a tree with nails
• Country sunset painting for Shana
• Mom's special painting
• Dad's special painting
  
• Come up with painting ideas for Michelle, Noah, and Lex
• Paint a portrait of Kitkat

Evolution

One topic that stands in my mind is evolution. Evolution is a topic that is argued by many scientists and Christian believers. When I think of evolution, and my beliefs of it, I think of the human evolution sequence. The picture shows an ape in its bent-over stage, and it progressively gets upright, walking on two legs and human. Humans and apes are very similar. Their brains, their appendages, fingers and toes, and even their bones are similar to ours. The reason they are not identical, is because they are not fully evolved. The spine structure is not complete, therefore they walk hunched over and most of the time on all fours. Apes are very intelligent, and even today scientists are teaching them things by speaking to them, telling them to press the correct button or point out the correct number/color. Although some do not believe in evolution, because of the theory that God created all mankind and all animals in their uniqueness, the scientific evidence is very outstanding. It is hard for me to not believe in evolution, because there is so much historical evidence with multiple types of bones from different times, of these apes. They grew different and adapted to the world, just as it changed.

Writing Prompt: Words that hurt me…

Writing Prompt: Words that hurt me…

When someone throws a rock into shallow water, it splashes and causes a wave of ripples. This is what these words do when they are thrown at me. The insults and lies that pour out of their mouths fills me with sadness and hatred. I’m fat, stupid, selfish. I’m a bitch, a liar, a backstabber. I don’t think about others and I act like a child. When you tell me, I am angry, but then hurt. I feel betrayed and alone, I depress easily. I feel as if no one likes me, and I cannot be myself without making someone hate me. To be myself is to die alone, and to die alone is the worst kind of punishment that could ever be laid upon me. I never want to be alone, and this relishes in my personality. I try to please people any way I can, and still try to be myself. I do not like to smile much unless I am nervous, extremely happy, or laughing. I will smile if you do, but it is not genuine. It is not real, but polite. It is because of all of the timeless occasions I was teased and tormented as a child and young adult. Maybe I am being too sensitive. Although these accusations are thrown at me, some of them are true… You just have to know me before you should believe what others say or what you read.

xoxo
Linds

Love this, Love that...

I recently saw an old couple (in their 70’s, I think) walking out of an ice cream store holding hands. It made my heart melt. I want to be deeply in love with a person when I am that old. I want to be able to look at my spouse and smile, still having those butterfly feelings in my stomach. Love seems to be so rare with me. Well, I fall in love too easily, but it’s not the same with other people. I wonder, is it lust? Possibly, but I cannot explain it fully–it’s confusing. I hope I find that special someone who will still whisper sweet nothings into my ear even after years of marriage. I want him to feel like he would never think of leaving me. It would be so great. That elderly couple had smiles in their aged faces, but they still saw the love that continued to burn in their hearts after all those years of marriage. That’s what I want.

<3

Bucket List

Goals in life have to start some time... I have always wanted to have great adventures and visit wild destinations. I am here writing a list of things that I want to do before my lifetime ends.

1. Go white water rafting
2. Climb a Redwood tree in California
3. Rock climb in Canada
4. Go mountain climbing
5. Go island hopping
6. Sail the ocean to different countries
7. Shop in New York
8. Experience sheep hearding in Wyoming
9. Ride a horse on the beach until sunset
10. Learn how to Skii/Snowboard
11. Graduate College
12. Get married and have kids
13. Become successful at my job
14. Watch a movie being filmed
15. Meet a very famous actor/musician
16. Meet the president
17. Nap in a hammock between palm trees
18. Swim at the beach in Mexico
19. Visit a volcano
20. Learn how to play steel drums from a rasta man
21. Kiss a Llama
22. Go on a Safari
23. Skinny dip at a beach in Brazil
24. Visit Mayan, Inca, and Aztec ruins
25. View the pyramids of Egypt

[edited]

26. Take a picture from the top of the Eiffel Tower
27. Tell the time by looking at Big Ben
28. See the Stone Henge
29. Stand next to an Eastern Island head
30. Visit a Zen Buddhist monastery
31. Play a few games in Las Vegas
32. Walk a mile on the Great Wall of China
33. Eat Sushi in Hong Kong
34. Be part of the audience at a Japanese game show
35. Be in the audience for the show MADtv
36. Drink wine in Rome
37. Kiss on a water taxi in Italy
38. Eat in Greece
39. Drink beer in Germany
40. Go to New Orleans during Mardi Gras
41. Go dogsledding in Alaska
42. Meet a kangaroo in Australia
43. View the palaces of Russia
44. Feed families in Ethiopia
45. Learn to surf in California

[more to come... this is all I could think of at the moment]

Why Does This Heart of Mine Keep Beating?

I recently remembered a singer: Skeeter Davis. I love her song End of the World. It's sad, but I love how it's catchy. I can kind of relate to the song, but not the way the singer means it. I'm just listening to random music. I wish I was as talented with the guitar as I used to be with the violin. I love the way acoustic guitars sound, especially when it's played right. Gah, I am blabbing. It seems like that's all I ever do in blogs. I never have anything to really say. In other words, I would like to share some of my problems. :) Not for you to help me, unless you can... But just to vent and get them out of my head:

• Friends: I need more friends. I have no friends, except for one, which is my cousin, Shana. We hang out a lot, and she's my BFF, but I want more than just that. I would like to have several friends, such as the MHEA group. I am a unique person, and I know everyone is unique, but when I say unique... I mean unique. One of my long-term friends, Charles, is gone, because of some incidents that happened in the spring of this year... So we do not talk much anymore. I have one friend, Hannah, who I have known for years from elementary school, but we do not see much of each other. This is because we are friends, but not close friends to where we hang out once every week or something. The MHEA group have all been friends since the beginning, so I am completely and utterly lost with them, no one really knows me, and I don't know anyone. I try to talk to them at the meetings, but they will talk for a minute then go hang out with their other well-known friends. I don't understand. Am I that repulsive? Do I stink or something? I am more mature for my age than them, I guess. The crap they think is cute and funny just doesn't amuse me anymore. It's stupid. I get along more with people 20+, unless they are just as demented as me: A.K.A. Hannah and Shana. I don't get out much, because there's no where I can go that mom will be comfortable with, and that I don't have to pay for. I don't have a job. I have been applying like a madman, and I don't understand why NO ONE will call me. I have called a few places, but every time I call, the damn manager is busy. *Sigh* At Christain Brothers University, I have met a few people and gathered their phone numbers, but whenever I call or text them, they don't answer... I talk to them after class sometimes and hang out with them for a few minutes, but it's only like an aquaintence. They see me as a cool person that could possibly be part of their "clique", but they don't see me as Lindsey. Hopefully next year when I move into college and LIVE with the damn student(s), I will be more understood and liked... Hopefully. Geez, am I that hard to be liked? I try to be polite and talk about things that are interesting to them as well as me, but damn, it's like everyone has an invisible protector shield that I just can't get through.

• Weight: I need to lose weight. Badly. I am in the process for getting a lap band, and I am patiently waiting. I think I have been doing good. I have been looking at pictures from a few years ago, and I feel so blubbery now. I thought I was fat then, but now I look back at pictures from those times, and I actually looked OKAY! Ugh, sometimes I wish pictures would be non-existent, but I love the memories... Most of the time. Anyway, I will be updating as soon as I find out more about my lap-band surgery. :)

• College: College is challenging for me. There are going to be more responsibilities, and independancy. I'm so not ready for this, but that's why I have a year to prepare myself. I just don't know how to prepare myself for something like this. I guess the best way would be to get a job and save my money so I can start out with some cash at the beginning, then maybe find an on-campus job or one around the campus. I don't want work to get in the way with school, and I will make sure of that. I am so nervous. I have had a prievew of what college work is like, and it scares me. I am a good student, and I am a smart woman, I just freeze up and get scared. It effects my work, too. It scares me, but I am also very excited. I will miss mom and dad so much, and especially Kitkat. I will miss Bella growing up to be a kid and Eyona growing up to be a teenager. I will miss Lex and Noah, and hope and pray for them to be strong. I'm going to miss this shit-hole, Memphis... But I will be glad that they will understand that this is my time to grow and my time to bloom as an adult.

I'm worn out on writing for today, I will update soon enough. Happy reading, and love to all!
-Lindsey

Exhaustion

Today the carpet-cleaning guys dropped in and cleaned our carpets (apparently). Yesterday, we had to move things around, pick things up, and haul them to the kitchen and living room (a couple of the only places with no carpet). Being an offspring of a couple of mild pack-rats, I have a lot of 'things'. Of course, that could be because I am lovingly spoiled....No complaints there! So, I had to move a lot of things. I have a hard time falling asleep/going to bed, so of course I didn't fall asleep until 4:00 in the morning. The carpet guys were scheduled to come at 9:30, but thankfully (for me) they were an hour late. Even though I got a damn good 6 hours of sleep in, it just felt like it wasn't enough. I did not want to get up this morning, but I forced myself to... Mainly because I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the possibly hunky carpet cleaners. In the long run, they weren't hunky or even that attractive to me, so I just played Resident Evil: Outbreak. Sounds boring, but it is VERY fun to me. :) Anyway, to make a long story short... I moved my room back into my room (does that make sense?), and I feel completely worn out. It was only a few boxes, a stereo set, and some other random items... Not to mention I dusted everything and re-organized my bookshelf. I plan on having a big yard sale soon, so I got some old summer-reading books, from school, out to sell. I organized everything, for the most part... It looks really good, being a young adult and all. But being only 18 years old, I feel like crap! My back aches, my legs are sore, I'm extremely tired and cranky. I fell like gosh-darn old woman! Let's see, I got my period early in childhood, boobs at 8 years old... It feels like I have Arthritis and Osteoporosis, and I'm only 18! Wow, what's next? Gray hair at 25? Then what, liver spots at 30?! Ugh... I'm just going to have to push through this, just like everything else. Well, just thought I would share that story with you. Hope it wasn't too boring! I gotta go, my ass is starting to hurt, and my legs are falling asleep. :(
-Linds